Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize