Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
