Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I think I just sharted jello shots
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
