dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize