ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
