now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
