now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
