i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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