A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
