dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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