I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
should my penis look like a turkey
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
