I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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