Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
