The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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