Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
