Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
