Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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