i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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