i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
my liver is dry heaving
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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