I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
