Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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