he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize