Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
