Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
