My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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