I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
