Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
