I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
