i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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