Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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