We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
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