day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
