oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
