wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
