Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize