the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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