I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
