thus making me awesome and them whores
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
