Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
