After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
