They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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