Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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