We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
