Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
