i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
