i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The uberlube is also flammable
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Randomize
