she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
