worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
