4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
