He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
