My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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