So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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