I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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