Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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