if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
