my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
