Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize