Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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