I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
