and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
