if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
that is very illegal...i love you.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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