that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
