First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
