Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
