You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
