You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
