it's too hot outside to masturbate.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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