the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
