If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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