im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
