I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
