my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
