You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
