Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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