If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
