I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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