Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
