She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
