butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
