bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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