Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize