I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
