Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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