I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I woke up under a house in Key West
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