A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
