There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
