Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
