operation have a gay friend backfired
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize