Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
