he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
