There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
