Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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